Think of this post like my admission i have a problem. For too long in my life i have not worked hard, at anything, no I’ve just taken the easy option, but I will no longer coast through life.

I need to work hard at stuff, like my physiotherapy, something i haven’t done for over three months now and I can feel it. I have to stop making excuses to myself for not doing it and instead find solutions to do something and the same ethos can be applied to everything in my life.

Since i was five I’ve been a chronic under achiever, i look back on my life and I think i could have done so much more, worked so much harder, actually revised but what is in the past, is there, in the past. No all I can do now is move forwards, work hard and achieve what I’m capable of.

So lets talk about me (and why not, this is my blog), me and my inner demons. Well, it’s less my inner demons, and more a lack of something, which is where my inner demons seem to thrive and have a jolly old time, well bully for them. Bastards.

Yes I’ve got MS, but screw it, I’ve had worse (well, maybe not, but go with me). I know that most of you would probably be of a different opinion. Surely having MS is the worst thing in the world, your life must be over, just crawl into bed and stay away from my children!

Easy grandma, it’s MS, you can’t catch it, and no, it isn’t the worst thing in the world. I can still walk, I’m still independent (well, as independent as a man can be) I have no pain, it’s generally just a slight inconvenience for me. Yes, others are worse, but then some are better, everyones different. Please read your reactionary Daily Mail drivel at the door. We’re not here to talk about my MS anyway, I just wanted to put things in a little perspective.

I am crippled with certain parts of my life though. Not in a physical sense, but more a mental one. That thing I mentioned earlier that was missing, something everyone needs in this life to function effectively. I’ve no idea  when I losy my Self Belief, I know I’ve had it in brief moments, but it seems to go all too quickly. When it’s gone, self doubt just seems to fill the void. I’ve no idea how to get it back, but I know I need to do things differently.

I’m not going to find it again by just continuing down the current path, but it’s difficult to get out of this situation without it. I haven’t been in paid employment for nearly two years now, and without self belief I just end up rulling myself out of any opportunities that come up. ‘I won’t get that’, ‘I’m underqualified’, ‘my MS will stop me doing that’ or ‘they’ll hire other people’. All ridiculous reasons for not trying, if I don’t even try then that rules me out there and then. I frustrate myself sometimes, I really do.

Hope you’re rocking a bit more self belief than me, I’ll catch you on the flip side.

Gav xx

Hello there,

it’s been quite a while since my last update, and unbelieveably I’m still getting quite a few hits on a fairly regular basis. Nice.

My MS has been going through somewhat of a quiet period, with nore real falirups worth speaking of, I just have this sense of building tension, like the tide slowly coming in. My feet are getting wetter, and I have a tiny fear that my soon head will be too. And thats just not good for what remains of my hair.

In my life outside the ‘MS-o-Sphere’ I’ve been doing things (obviously) like eating, showering (not so obviously) and entering film competitons (okay, entering a film competiton). Needless to say, I didn’t win, but if you want to see the fruits of my groups labours you can check it out below.

I know exactly what you’re thinking, ‘wtf‘. Exactly.

So having lost the competiton, like a peoper artist, I fell into a pit of depression, alcoholism and drugs, lots of drugs. I jest of course, I’ve been doing fuck all. Thats why I’m still bothering to update my blog.

I have been toying with the idea of setting myself a new challenge, but it failed miserably last time I tried it, but I figure with enough publicity, it could be a winner. Think Danny Wallace’s book, Yes man, crossed with twitter. I know, I can tell you’re interested, hopefully, if I can get it off the ground, you’ll hear more about it soon.

Lunch time methinnks, speak soon,

Gav xx

I hope you’re not snowed in at the moment, the country’all gone a bit ‘Day after tomorrow’ at the moment, but I digress.

I hope you all had a good Christmas/new years, mine was certainly better than last years which I got to spen in hospital, ahh, happy days. My MS has decided to remind me it’s still there with some delightful discomfort on the left hand side of my ribcage. Either it’s my MS or a heart attack, we shall see.

I’ve spent the last two weeks concentrating my not inconsiderable talents on three things. 1. the script for the film I’m directing next weekend, 2. my ‘creative’ CV and lastly (but most importantly) hugging Deb. Now, I can’t demonstrate either the first or third of those thingsm but I can show you my CV (it’s quite a big image, hence the link). As you can clearly see here you’d struggle to tell the two images apart.

Now, I must be off, it’s nearly lunch time and I’ve got a hot date with Mr. sponge and his delightful mistress Mrs. Plate.

Cya later!

Gav

Good evening my good fellow,

It’s been quite a while since a proper update on this ‘ere blog, so how have you been? I’ve been keeping myself busy, traveling the country, making more self important videos, you know, the usual. I had myself another relapse, thankfully only a minor blip with some numbness to my hands. I seem to be over the worst of it now though =)

I recieved the decision on my DLA renewal and apparently

I’M CURED!!!

Well blow me, I wish someone has told me, I personally can’t feel the difference, but the government seems to be under the impression that I no longer require any help. Needless to say, I’m not best pleased. I’m currently appealing the decision, I’ll let you know how it goes.

In other news, the work for my film is coming along quite nicely, we shot the Lotus footage last month and we’ve got the rest of the shooting coming up in a mere five weeks, getting a bit nervous now to be honest.

One last thought to leave you on, I started doing an online ADHD test earlier, and I couldn’t be bothered to finish it.

Have a good Christmas and I’ll see you all in the new year!

Gav

This is fast becoming the worlds most neglected blog! But not without good reason. As you’ll be well aware, I’m directing a short film, ‘Shifting MS’, and needless to say this is taking up a fairly substantial portion of my time. I’m also dipping my toes in the murky waters of After Effects, check this out:

A little sketchy perhaps, but not bad for a first project in AE.

So yes, updates and all that, expect my video ‘Does taking Copaxone hurt?: The truth, REVEALED’ at some point this century 😉

Gav

Sorry for not updating for AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS. I’ve been quite busy with a move down London way, normal service will be resumed shortly.

That is all.

Evening all,

So then, plans are in full swing over with the young people film project =) So much so that it now has it’s own blog. So if you want to take part and are under 26 then either leave a comment here or on the other blog.

Gotta go, need to take my Copaxone out the fridge, hurt when I went to inject yesterday =(

Gav